“…I wish I had died…” Job 10:18b

Job had already voiced his wish to have never survived his own birth in chapter three, verses eleven through nineteen (3:11-19). In this passage, Job rearticulates this heart-cry:

“Why then did you bring me out of the womb? I wish I had died before any eye saw me. If only I had never come into being, or had been carried straight from the womb to the grave!” (vv. 18 – 19)

Why was Job so intent on the worthless value of his life? He was clearly emotionally overwhelmed, as well as being ashamed of the circumstances in which he found himself. Job’s position in society had drastically changed from a ‘mover and shaker’ to one of little or no influence. Everything he had known as ‘normal’ for his life, from the years of home-building and child-rearing through the time his grown children perished in a horrible castastrophe, perished. It was gone in the course of a day. Then, Job not only suffered emotionally, he suffered physically from a terrible case of what could have been shingles. His appearance further humiliated Job, especially when friends arrived.

I remember years ago when a friend of mine made a huge faux-pas at a social gathering. She told me, “I could have died!” Why did she say that? Obviously, because she felt so ashamed of her action which, in the eyes of social-correctness, brought her extreme embarrassment. Job must have felt similarly, only to a much greater extreme.

When a person is full of shame by the embarrassment of her/his circumstances, a view of eternity may be clouded. In today’s passage, Job reflects such a distorted view of the afterlife after imploring his friends to leave:

“Are not my few days almost over? Turn away from me so I can have a moment’s joy before I go to the place of no return, to the land of gloom and deep shadow, to the land of deepest night, of deep shadow and disorder, where even the light is like darkness.” (vv. 20 – 22)

Job’s transparency shows how hopeless he saw his life. He really thought he was close to death, and he was so overwhelmed that he transferred his view of his current circumstances to what he would experience in eternity. Why? Because he thought God had it out for him (vv. 16 – 17). Remember, Job had no idea he was actually highly favored by God and was being used as an example of the highest form of piety and good living.

So, how is this passage to speak to us today? I hope we have a better understanding of how tragedy, hopelessness, and pain affect our perspectives on living and the after-life. On this side of the cross, Believers have a blessed hope of eternal peace in the presence of our loving Lord and God. How did it come about? Because each Believer dies to self, s/he is able to anticipate a day of indescribable joy within Heaven, as well as a great reunion with those we love who have died in Christ.

The next time you are persuaded to think, “I wish I could die”, try substituting it with, “I have died to sin and am alive to Christ!” That way you’ll never think or say, “I wish I had died.”

Have a blessed day…